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To turn 25 does not guarantee that a person becomes emotionally mature automatically. I'm sure you've seen a lot of 40-somethings and even 60-somethings that behave like children. Maybe you have someone like that in your life right now.
Emotional immaturity is fairly easy to
detect, and is characterized by. . .
- Emotional
escalation
- Insult
- Blaming others
- Constantly
Telling lies
- Poor impulse
control
- Narcissistic
behavior
- Harassment
- Need to be the
center of attention
- Denial and
attacks
- Passive-aggressive
behavior
Why do an adult with a fully formed
prefrontal cortex, get stuck in these behaviors and responses of a child?
Experiencing trauma, abandonment or
instability as a child can affect your ability to mature well. Those who have
suffered trauma as a child can remain trapped and stop growing emotionally.
If parents are emotionally immature
themselves, they are poor models for their children, who can never learn proper
and mature behavior.
In addition, an adult may remain emotionally
immature too if they rarely were allowed to take responsibility for errors,
failures or misjudgments as a child or adolescent. If mom or dad always stepped
in to save the day, then a child never learns to defend himself.
Parents who were very forgiving and often do
not implement appropriate measures often raise children who cannot accept
responsibility for their actions as adult.
They do not know how to deal with the
inevitable conflicts and challenges of life and to resort to the answers they
understand: those who are like children and immature.
Even if you do not have experience of
childhood trauma or have "helicopter" parents have oscillated around
to meet all your needs, you can benefit from improving their emotional
maturity.
We all have pockets of immature and behaviors
that can be triggered in certain situations or in our local relationships
responses. It is useful for all of us to be honest with ourselves on our own
immature behavior and work to improve them.
Improve emotional maturity can. . .
- Increase your
level of self-awareness so that you can better understand your emotions;
- Helps regulate
their emotions and express them appropriately;
- They allow you
to be more empathetic and compassionate to others;
- Sharpen their
social skills through better communication;
- Help to create
appropriate with other limits;
- Increase your
self confidence because you feel more comfortable in your own skin.
Here
are 10 ways to cultivate emotional maturity to be more successful, safe and
happy in life:
1. Be careful.
Start by looking at the areas of your life
where you tend to have difficulties with emotional maturity. This can be the
most difficult step, since most of us recognize how we can not we act
childishly.
But consciousness is the first step towards
change. So take a deep breath and try to be quite honest with yourself.
Check out the list of emotionally immature
behaviors listed above to see if you are constantly participating in any of
these. Take notes on any behavior you do not like in yourself or you realize
other pointing at you often.
2. Notice triggers.
There may be certain situations or people
that cause you immature responses.
Maybe it is something your spouse says he is
doing on the defensive or how it becomes to allow his mother to visit the baby
when his parents home.
Understanding what triggers immature behavior
can help change. Think about why immature situations or people trigger
reactions within you.
Is it coming back to an event in your
childhood? Did you learn a more mature response in these situations?
Once you have a better idea of why you are
pulling, think of ways you can respond differently.
You may need the support of an advisor to
deal with old injuries that hinder and prevent change from their reactions and
responses.
3. Be more sensitive to reality.
As the saying goes, "Reality
Bites". He is uncomfortable to face the challenges, disappointments and
difficulties that life presents to us.
A person emotionally immature reality series
and tends to blame the world for their circumstances. They avoid, refuse or
complain without taking appropriate action.
But the emotional maturity necessary to
accept reality and work with it.
Instead of complaining and lamenting about
our "bad luck", we take care of the current situation, handling the
best way we know, and we can move forward with the knowledge that we have done
all of our possible.
5. Practice of personal responsibility.
Between a life situation and their response
to that brief moment when you decide how you will react.
By claiming their power to choose how to
respond to life, you can skip the treadmill of unconscious reactions.
You will automatically react, give up their
personal power to a jerky knee reaction?
Or you can break the negative pattern of
immature responses and create new, more emotionally intelligent answers that
align with who you want to be?
6. Define your ideal self.
Who you want to be in this life? What
kind of parent, spouse, friend, brother, colleague, neighbor adult child you
want to be?
How do you treat others?
What kind of words do you want to use?
How do you respond to the challenges of life?
You can not become emotionally mature until
you define what it means to you.
Sit with a pen and paper and write exactly
what you want in your relationships and in various situations of life (positive
and negative).
It may not be able to reach your ideal all
the time (We are human beings after all!), But now have an ideal to aspire.
When you run short, forgive quickly. Offer
forgiveness to others if necessary. So go ahead.
7. Define your integrity.
Part of creating your ideal self is to know
what integrity means to you. Life is full of contradictory messages and
contradictory opinions of good and evil, good and bad.
You may have adopted the value system of
their parents or borrowed their sense of integrity from their peers.
This is a common retreat, as many of us do
not take the time to look into ourselves and ask important questions about what
our own guiding principles should be.
Often we have decisions about our integrity
when we come face to face with a situation that requires a particular response
from us.
Instead of waiting this time to force our
hands on an answer that does not truly reflect our integrity, be proactive in
pre-determining what their ethical and moral principles.
Then you are really ready to react when the
opportunity arises.
8. The practice of self-discipline.
An important part of emotional maturity is to
go ahead, do what you say, and be trustworthy.
This requires delaying the gratification and
doing things that can not enjoy simply because you said you would.
Tracking difficult or boring efforts requires
a degree of self-discipline. Self-discipline is a muscle that can develop with
practice.
Start by making a challenge or two small
things every day you know you have to accomplish, but do not feel like doing.
As you progress through these challenges,
actions will be easier because you develop a habit that does not require much
mental effort.
9. Prioritize the "we" in
relationships.
Affective maturity often flies through the
window in our close relationships.
We are more likely to lose our mood, say
nasty things, and act childishly with the people we love. This is especially
true with our spouses or intimate partners.
Emotionally immature people tend to favor the
"I" instead of "us" in their relationships.
They want to win all the arguments and ensure
that their needs are met, even if it causes the disconnection and loss of
privacy as a couple.
For a relationship to prosper, you need to
put the health of the relationship above their own frustrations, desires and
needs.
You must learn to communicate in a way that
does not compromise the strength of the relationship and find ways to be
cooperative rather than competitive.
You need to practice compassion, forgiveness
and understanding and seek a win-win solution for conflict
10. Focus on something more than you.
Much emotional maturity is functioning in the
world with the spirit of compassion, goodness, love and service.
The less focuses on their own problems,
complaints and challenges, more experience of inner peace and happiness in
life.
Find an effort that allows you to focus less
on yourself and more on its service, enlightening, helping, giving and
contributing in a certain way.
You do not have to save the world - just find
something that you are passionate about allowing you to somehow leave a legacy.
Buddhist master and author Jack Kornfield
said "part of the spiritual and emotional maturity is to recognize that it
is not as if you were trying to repair and become a different person.You are
still the same person but wake you up."
As they seek to improve their emotional
maturity, they wake up more and more to the person who are truly below ego,
life experiences and old habits that have perceptions and reactions to the
darkened life.
Once you are fully grown and conscious, you
open your world like never expected.
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